"Sara Ruddick in her book Maternal Thinking: Toward a Politics of Peace speaks of the attentive love of a mother. In summary, Ruddick says mothers are characterized by attentive love. They have to keep watching this new life; they have to keep listening and adjusting to the needs of the child. It is necessary to recognize a new agenda with the growth of the child. If the mother cannot transform herself into attentive love, she quite simply cannot be a mother. She has to learn early on that life is about change, not about theological absolutes. All growth is about changing and adjusting to what is needed at this moment by this child. The mother cannot run to abstract truths. She has to deal with this child, these tears, and this present moment with this child."
Fr. Richard Rohr: Thought for the Day, May 14, 2010
That a mother has to respond to her child to be a good mother, I understand. But why does Fr. Rohr have to pose it in opposition to "theological absolutes"? God can certainly be thought of as a mother - as the Catechism of the Catholic Church indicates - but God is a mother who not only responds in nurture and care, but also in correction and rebuke. As children grow, they go astray and become rebellious. The Israelites in the desert needed nurturance, no doubt, hence the manna and quail and water. But they also needed correction, hence, the seraph serpents and deadly bites. One mother I know just spoke this morning about her three children who need both carrot and stick - and sometimes correction is the more important. And my own experience tells me that I learn at least as much from pain and correction than from affirmation and nurturance.
Maternal love is at once nurturing and stern. It is not either/or.
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"...mothers are characterized by attentive love. They have to keep watching this new life; they have to keep listening and adjusting to the needs of the child. [...] All growth is about changing and adjusting to what is needed at this moment by this child. The mother cannot run to abstract truths."
ReplyDeleteNot having the full text of Fr. Rohr's meditation, I am only responding to these thoughts.
His description of mothering as "attentive love" covers just one aspect of mothering. There is that stage, in the earliest months and years of mothering, when it is all about attentiveness, about recognizing and meeting the child's needs. And often finding intense joy in the act of doing so.
Likewise, I can see God as mother/creator of the universe experienced the same in the Garden of Eden. God was intimately involved with the first humans. He was attentive to all their needs, providing food and companionship, in a state of total trust.
But "theological absolutes" and "abstract truths" are also a vital part of mothering. God knew that when He designated the Tree of Knowlege as "off limits."
All of the "attentive mothering" in the world is not going to convince a two year old to share a toy he's convinced is his, or a six year old not to lie. To learn these lessons requires more than attentiveness. It requires the mother (or father) to step in, to teach the absolutes, and to reinforce the lessons as often and in as many different ways as needed.
In my experience as a mother, it takes both attentiveness and a strong line of "absolutes" to guide children along the right path. In my experience as a flawed human, I need the same. I think the Catholic Church best expresses this concept through the Sacrament of Reconciliation. We begin by scrutinizing our choices and actions against absolute rights and wrongs. Once we express true sorrow, we are assured of the Lord's unconditional love and forgiveness, just as a mother completes an errant child's discipline with an explanation of proper behavior and a forgiving hug.